


Unfortunate Circumstances

by antikytheras



Category: Dishonored (Video Game)
Genre: Corvo/Outsider only if you squint, Crack, I still don't know how to use tags, I'm sorry if the relationship tags are misleading, M/M, but mostly crack, vaguely suggestive at certain points
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-18
Updated: 2014-05-18
Packaged: 2018-01-25 14:29:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1652000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antikytheras/pseuds/antikytheras
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are two particular officers in the City Watch who keep getting placed in compromising positions after being knocked out by a phantom menace. In other words, you know how you always dump guards on top of each other and then kinda giggle to yourself? Think about the poor, poor guards sometime.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unfortunate Circumstances

**Author's Note:**

> Filled for lantentine's prompt on tumblr. Prompt was "I need a Dishonored fic where two guards keep getting moved from different positions in the city watch and Corvo keeps knocking them unconscious and dumping their bodies on top of one another behind a curtain or dumpster and eventually they both discover they don’t really mind because it gives them an excuse to be close".
> 
> Enjoy.

Corvo does not want to be spotted. He does not want to permanently harm anyone, and he most definitely does not want to kill anyone either.

With these goals in mind, he gets down to work.

In a quick, fluid motion, he buries a sleep dart into the side of a guard’s neck, and throws the comatose man over his shoulder before he can hit the ground.

In the blink of an eye, he has thrown open one of the dumpster lids, and he carelessly tosses the sleeping man in.

In a few more blinks of an eye, he has choked another guard into unconsciousness, and quickly throws him into the dumpster, too.

Satisfied that his path has been cleared, Corvo moves on.

-

Today, he decides, is definitely not one of his better days. He’s tired, he’s hungry, his head is spinning, and that’s not even the worst of it yet.

With the last shreds of his dignity crumbling away under the influence of whatever drug he’d been knocked out with, Nikolai manages to force the words out of his throat.

‘Lieutenant, this is highly inappropriate.’

A dry voice replies, ‘I’m  _so_ glad you noticed. Who are you, by the way?’

Nikolai’s mind is still sluggish when he says, ‘Sergeant Nikolai Pilkvist. Can you get off me, please?’

The heavy weight on his chest is removed with a groan of pain, and Nikolai tries to sit up. Unfortunately, his head is still spinning and so he ends up crashing to the bottom of the dumpster again.

Someone catches him before his face can meet the dirty, disgusting surface of the dumpster, and then proceeds to drop him when Nikolai’s knees give out on him.

‘Sergeant Pilkvist, maybe you should take a seat for a while. I’ll go check on the men, and you can recover in here.’

The lid of the dumpster is pushed open from the inside, and the man slips out without another word.

With a groan, Nikolai buries his aching head in his hands and pulls out the empty sleep dart embedded in his neck.

He wonders if he can get away with editing out certain events in his next report.

-

In the end, it is as if nothing had happened. No one is reprimanding him, or sniggering behind his back, or—the Outsider forbid—firing him. Nikolai has even been spared from the repercussions of Overseer Campbell’s fall from grace.

In fact, he’s been assigned to patrol the area around the Golden Cat, and his superior even winks at him and tells him to “have fun”. Nikolai’s reply had been a small, polite smile.

Most importantly, the man who had been inelegantly draped across Nikolai’s chest does not approach him, and Nikolai does not find himself crossing paths with the man either.

It is for the better, he decides, and he resolves to bury the incident in the recesses of his memory.

-

Again, Corvo finds himself thrown into an area surrounded with guards. He knows that Emily is being held in the Golden Cat, and he is prepared to do whatever it takes to get her back.

Still, he finds himself using his sleep darts instead of the powers gifted to him by the Outsider, and prefers to choke his enemies instead of running his sword through their bodies.

He sneaks up on an unsuspecting guard and knocks him out by choking him, and hides him behind a gaudy curtain.

Out of the corner of his eye, Corvo sees a guard turning the corner and instinctively fires one of his few remaining sleep darts.

The guard crumples to the floor in an undignified heap, and Corvo stashes him behind the curtain, too.

As he turns away, he pauses, and looks behind his shoulder. Quickly, and with a small grin hidden behind his horrifying mask, he arranges the poor guards so that one is straddling the other’s waist.

Satisfied, he covers them up with the curtain and stealthily creeps toward his next target.

In the Void, the Outsider laughs, and watches Corvo with something close to anticipation.

-

Nikolai is sure that somewhere out there, a god is mocking him.

His back is against a wall and his legs are carelessly spread out before him. There’s a weight on his upper thighs and up to a few moments ago, there had been something resting on his torso. Now, there is a hand at his neck, yanking the emptied sleep dart out none-too-gently and desperately feeling for a pulse.

‘M’kay,’ he slurs.

‘Sergeant, I advise you to keep your mouth shut.’ Behind the dry voice is another emotion, but Nikolai isn’t really in a position where he can discern relief from sarcasm.

The warm hand leaves his neck and Nikolai twists uncomfortably at the loss of that warmth.

‘I also advise that you stop squirming. You’re going to end up throwing up on me, and then I am going to be very angry.’

‘You weren’t very angry a few moments ago,’ Nikolai protests weakly, his mind addled with the drug for the second time in days.

‘I was checking if you were alive, Sergeant Pilkvist. Straddling a corpse isn’t exactly a very pleasant affair.’

Nikolai opens his eyes, and their close proximity would have made him recoil if he had any strength left in him.

‘You can get off me!’ he tries to put some power behind his words, but he’s about as terrifying as a newborn kitten.

The lieutenant groans, and Nikolai isn’t sure whether he really heard him mutter “by the Outsider’s eyes” or not.

‘It’s not that I don’t like being in your lap, Sergeant,’ the word is zero parts respectful and many parts sarcastic, ‘but I wanted to get that dart out of your neck first. That’s when you returned to the land of the living.’

‘Oh.’

Nikolai’s eyes slide close of their own accord. They sit in silence for a few moments more.

‘What’s your name, Lieutenant?’ Nikolai asks, curious.

He sounds like he’s thinking about something else when he replies, ‘Lieutenant Soriano. Pierce Soriano.’

‘You’re from Serkonos?’ he says, surprised.

‘Yes. And you’re from Tyvia. You didn’t forget that, right?’

Nikolai ignores the jibe. ‘Huh. I didn’t know there was someone else who wasn’t from Gristol.’

‘Now you do. And he’s sitting in your lap.’

Lieutenant Soriano stands up, and Nikolai thinks that he’s going to leave. To his surprise, the lieutenant seats himself beside him.

‘What are you doing?’ Nikolai asks.

‘Everyone else on this floor is asleep. Obviously, someone’s been through here, and whoever they are, they’re pretty good. It’s not really very smart of me to wander around all by myself. You know what I mean?’

‘…so you’re scared?’

He scoffs. ‘Of course not.’

Despite his words, the lieutenant still doesn’t move. Nikolai grins.

‘Whatever you say, lieutenant. We can go on patrol after my brain comes back to me.’

-

By some miracle, neither he nor the lieutenant is demoted for the chaos that had taken place in the Golden Cat. In fact, they are thanked for managing to get the Watch samples of the sleep darts that the unknown assailant seemed to favour, and are sent away without any other orders.

Lieutenant Soriano yawns and leaves without a word. Nikolai returns to his rooms and takes a long nap.

When he wakes up, there’s a note addressed to him that informs him of his being posted to the Boyle Mansion.

-

Corvo does not like attending parties.

Still, he admits that it is much more relaxing for him to be able to stand next to a guard without worrying about being spotted. He must act like he belongs, and it is not that hard.

‘Good evening, sir.’

He nods in reply.

‘Interesting mask you’ve got. Now, don’t tell anyone, but I’m going down to the kitchens to get a snack. You know what I mean?’ the guard winks conspiratorially at him, and a small smile creeps onto Corvo’s face.

‘And if that Sergeant Nikolai comes around, don’t tell him you saw me.’

Corvo finds himself liking the man’s humour.

Later, he regrets this, but he hopes that he managed to appeal to the man’s sense of humour.

He’s certainly appealed to the Outsider’s.

-

‘Nice party, isn’t it?’ Lieutenant Soriano’s all-too-familiar voice breaks into his thoughts.

Nikolai finds himself grinning despite the situation.

‘Where are we?’

Nikolai sits up the best he can, and looks around. Maybe it’s because he’s been under the influence of the drug so many times before, but he is able to think more clearly now.

‘I think we’re in Lady Boyle’s room.’

‘Yes, I figured that out from the comfort of the bed. I mean which Boyle.’

Nikolai thinks for a moment, stumbling out of the bed and looking around thoughtfully.

‘Lady Esma, I think.’

‘Ah, that one. Did you know she wanted to invite me here?’

Nikolai turns with a raised eyebrow. Lieutenant Soriano’s grin is cocky and rather suits his face.

‘Unfortunately for her, it seems that your attentions have been forcefully lavished on me.’

Lieutenant Soriano’s grin fades into a grimace. ‘Don’t put it like that, Nikolai. It sounds like I forced you to engage in lewd acts with me.’

This catches him off guard. ‘I… Sorry. I didn’t mean to offend— I didn’t know—‘

‘I mean, I wouldn’t force you to. That’s just horrid, you know what I mean?’

Realisation dawns on Nikolai. ‘Wait, are you saying—‘

‘That is, if you don’t mind.’

Neither of them is from Gristol, so neither of them would have been inclined to hate men who loved men. Nikolai had heard tales of Serkonan people and their open mindset, but he’d never expected—

Pierce seems to take his silence as consent, and with a sly grin, he says, ‘Poor Esma. Think she’d be terribly upset if I were to bed someone else?’

‘In her own bed? Quite.’

-

Nikolai can tell that the Watch is very, very irritated by the fact that whoever’s been incapacitating the members of the City Watch hasn’t been sighted by a single person.

In fact, it’s probably the only reason why no one gets demoted.

Their superiors only sigh and inform them that they will be informed of their new postings as soon as possible.

“As soon as possible” turns out to be the next day, when a large number of the members of the City Watch are told to guard the Lighthouse against some unseen menace.

-

Corvo has tasted betrayal far too many times.

The Royal Spymaster had betrayed him. The Loyalists had betrayed him. Even the Outsider has betrayed him, in a small, insignificant way that should not hurt him as much as it does.

He spared Daud, and he wonders if that was for the best.

Corvo bears these heavy burdens as he advances through Kingsparrow Fort, into the Lighthouse.

The Outsider watches with a great amount of interest.

-

‘How’s your head?’

‘Fine. Yours?’

‘Never been better. It’s the first time I haven’t woken up feeling like my head’s full of fluff.’

The unseen menace must have been in a particularly foul mood, because when they came to, Pierce’s wrists were literally tied to the railing. Nikolai had gotten off slightly better, having woken up with his face buried in Pierce’s crotch.

‘Weren’t you shot with a sleep dart, though?’

‘I guess I’m immune now.’

Pierce sighed theatrically. ‘There go my plans.’

‘Excuse me?’

‘Nevermind. Can you get me out?’

Nikolai instinctively reached out and started to pick the lock, but something in the back of his mind made him pause.

‘I still need to get back at you for the Boyle party,’ he mused to himself.

Pierce stared at him in horror, and Nikolai laughed.

-

In the end, Emily is restored to her rightful place on the throne, and all of Dunwall celebrates as the heir is crowned Empress.

Corvo wears gloves to conceal the Mark of the Outsider, and his clothes conceal other scars well enough. For them, everything seems all right, and the Empress’ reign leads the Empire into a new golden age.

But what about our beloved City Watch Officers?

They were posted to Serkonos, if you must know. I won’t tell you anything else. And I wouldn’t suggest looking in on them now, if you know what I mean.


End file.
